I really enjoyed Sarah's article, and I am one of the believers in Alpha Male types, and those with "masculine power"/natural dominance. I'm not sure if it has to do with confidence, testosterone levels or a combination of a lot of things. All I know is what I've experienced, and what I've seen happen with my own husband.
My husband is a really big guy, a bit overweight, and not classically handsome, but I love him more than life itself. I fell in love with him just about on first sight. While I was still "in the closet" about my interest in spanking, I spotted in him a *potential* to be "the one" who could take me in hand. For a long time (6 years), I thought I was wrong.
We had met in a science fiction club, and within a year, he and I took over running the club with him as president. He was a good leader mostly, but unsure of himself. At sci-fi conventions, we adopt "personas," and he would always adopt one of an Alpha Male, which just made me melt. It was so *him*, yet it wasn't really. He was only like that for a weekend a couple of times a year. At home, he backed down to me in arguments, went in his "cave," and just rode out the storm, not wanting to rock the boat.
Our marriage was spiraling out of control and on the way to a separation, when I got the nerve to talk to him about being Taken in Hand, and a DD relationship.
Well you wouldn't know he was the same guy now! Once I *gave him permission* to be a man, he blossomed. Now, no one has any doubt that he is an Alpha Male. I think testosterone levels go up in certain circumstances normally, but that males suppress this a lot because of societal pressures of late. My husband no longer suppresses it, and it shows. When his testosterone goes up, everyone around feels it. It became apparent at his job, too, and he recently got promoted with a nice raise.
So I don't know if it is confidence or what, because I do believe some women exude "masculine power" (natural dominance), because I have felt it, and this is from women who are not lesbians (guys seem to think dominant women must be homosexual), and are not just being B*****S. I also find myself strangely attracted to them, too. :/
It gives me a terrific rush to read something like "I love him more than life itself". Isn't that just what life is about! Lucky you, Adjel, I wish I could say the same about even one of my wives, fond though I have been of them all in different ways. To know that someone has found a DD relationship to work this way is highly gratifying. I'm not an Alpha Male type - just a rather absent-minded man who is glad his wife is quite submissive and wishes she was even more so in some ways, and especially wishe she was t urned on by spanking! I wonder if she could magically make me into an Alpha Male?!! I think not. I would feel wrong somehow, the writing on my walls says NO to that idea.
I am an alpha male ... sometimes
I think what defines an alpha male more than anything else is confidence. Confidence that comes from self awareness, self assurance, and courage of conviction.
But I also believe that it is situational.
I have a friend who is a coach and also a cop. He can't control his team to save his life. They run amok. But, start talking about his job, and he changes. He exudes confidence. As a cop, he's alpha -- as a coach, he ain't.
My wife's OB/GYN is an alpha as a doctor. He earns enormous respect from the people who work with him for being a no-nonsense, take-charge, baby-saving miracle worker. Definitely alpha. Outside the hospital, he is a freekin' nutbar!!! Eccentric and nowhere near alpha.
I teach continuing Ed at a local university. In my classroom, I am the MAN. I control the tempo, the direction, the emotion. I walk softly; the stick sits dusty and unused in the corner. Alpha.
Outside the classroom, I am more like Mr. Milquetoast. More Alan Alda-like than alpha.
So is the true Alpha male the man who carries that overwhelming confidence in any and every situation? Or is it the man who rises to the occasion when you want/need/wish him to be?